Patience and Time

I won’t lie, the New Year so far definitely wasn’t what I had planned.

I expected to have a quiet and restful Christmas day. All the racing around getting presents, gift wrapping and dressing up as an elf (yes you did read that right!) done with for another year.

Then after my one day of rest it was back to the grindstone and then I would look forward to my customary annual leave in January when I breathe out at last, take stock of where my life is right now and plan my year ahead.

That was the plan until Covid struck!

I got it the day before Christmas Eve. Unfortunately Ian, my Hubby, managed to come down with it the day before, even though he managed successfully to avoid it completely for the last 3 years. Then I joined in.

I had said my ideal Christmas was doing absolutely nothing as being in pharmacy retail (my other part-time role), it is hands down the busiest time of year. I dream of one day having a whole week off like normal people. However I wasn’t expecting to spend the day and many others since, in bed!

Here I am almost a month later still signed off and being patient with myself has become my new normal. The main symptoms apart from the lingering cough have gone, however the overwhelming fatigue is still hanging around big time!

I did manage to return to work for one day, and thanks to a lift in and home again, managed rather well. However my next attempt was foiled by a brief ten minute walk at both ends and a ten minute train journey. I got to work only to become an exhausted, teary mess, totally incapable of standing for more than ten minutes, never mind seven and a half hours.

So it was straight home to bed for another few days! I’m well aware others have had it far worse than me and I’ve even had it before and bounced back quite quickly but this time it’s been a whole new ball game. I honestly felt fine, otherwise I wouldn’t have even attempted to go back but obviously, I was nowhere near ready.

I’m currently attempting to have a little walk every day and yesterday I tried going to the train station again. However, I had to come straight back and have a two hour sleep!

I’ve always been so fit and active, so this has definitely thrown me somewhat and I’m having to spend a lot of my time sitting or laying down. My Mum always used to say I had ants in my pants, as I just don’t do sitting down. Whereas at the moment it’s actually all I want to do. My mind is still whirring away twenty to the dozen, but my body just doesn’t want to play ball.

My point is, and don’t worry there is a point and a reason I’m telling you all this, I’ve actually learnt a lot.

I’m learning how to just be a human being not a human doing (as I often am).

I can be as patient with myself, as I am with everyone else.

Feeling guilty about not being able to do what you usually do is pointless and detrimental to the healing process.

I love soup! Who knew I could have it practically everyday and not get bored of it?

I can sit still. I can relax and I can read and read and read, till the cows come home.

I can do my accounts and get my paperwork organised and no it wasn’t as boring as I’ve always believed.

Little and often is the only way to keep up with anything and weirdly requires the least effort.

When life throws you a curveball, find a way to stop, access the situation and throw it back when you are ready and not before.

I’m busy working on things that I never seem to get around to by doing less and taking my time.

Things haven’t fallen apart because I am not there.

Oh and last but not least, my friends and family have been great at keeping my spirits up, making sure I’m looked after and continually reminding me that self care is one of the most important gifts you can give yourself.

So if any of you are currently challenged by this, or any other situation, know that this too shall pass.

Life does have its unexpected twists and turns. It’s always worth planning ahead, don’t let the fear of the unknown dictate how you show up in the world. We all get one go at this thing called life and we all owe it to ourselves to fill it with as much good stuff as possible. Unless of course you believe in life after this one and you owe it to yourself, to make them all amazing!

If you are struggling with something at the moment, don’t be afraid to reach out. You may be surprised how helpful people can be, if you let them.

I’m currently doing a personal development plan that has a very similar approach to the Discovery programme that I developed earlier this year and I am loving the opportunity to re-assess where I am in all areas of my own life.

Sometimes a challenging situation becomes a golden opportunity for lasting change.

Anyway, that’s enough for today.

Take care and look after yourselves

All my love

Jane xx

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