As a self-confessed people pleaser, I can sometimes find it hard to say no. Don’t get me wrong I am a million times better than I used to be, but I do like to be a can-do kind of person and therefore can get the balance a bit wrong from time to time.
Many of us struggle to say no and when we don’t, we can often feel frustrated, stressed and overwhelmed. Because, when we say yes to someone else’s agenda we are often saying no to our own. How many times have you woken up with a plan of action in your head only to find someone else throws a spanner in the works with an urgent request on your time?
If I had a pound every time that happens to me, I could be so rich!
I try to organise my time well, try to be pro active rather than reactive, however I still can find my days are over before I got around to what I really wanted to do.
It’s so important to honour our boundaries. Whether its time, physical or personal boundaries they are there for a reason. Always remember someone else doesn’t necessarily know your agenda, or what you are comfortable with, so whereas you can’t stop them asking something of you, it’s your responsibility to protect them.
There’s nothing worse than giving your time away and being cross with someone all day for the interruption. Yet we all (including me) do it! Next time take a deep breath before you decide whether or not you can actually do whats being asked of you.
I’ve heard the question asked recently “Is that a hard no?” As in, a silent question “can you be persuaded otherwise?”
It seems to me, to be posed by someone who is either deaf or doesn’t respect the other persons boundaries. Salespeople traditionally don’t seem to hear the word no, which can be so frustrating. However, what if what you are being asked is a golden opportunity? A chance for you to grow perhaps. Then think it over, give yourself time and space to decide and only say yes when you really want to.
Boundaries are important, but make sure you are not holding yourself back. Sometimes we can say no because we don’t have the confidence yet to take on something new. Again give yourself time to reflect and say yes if it will definitely benefit you in some way.
Your thoughts are also precious. Fill your mind with as much good stuff as possible. Surround yourself with like-minded people. Protect your peace of mind and your energy. I sometimes imagine I have a force field around me to keep Negative Nellies away. Some people are like the ‘Dementors’ from Harry Potter and seem to suck all the life out of you. Spend as little time as you can with them. Let their constant whining and criticism go, as much as you can, but do get away as quickly as you can!
What if you do want to do something with someone, but simply don’t have the time right now. Be honest, look at your diary and find a time to suit you both. Compromise is a wonderful thing.
I’ve started to give myself much longer to achieve a task, to actually allow for interruptions, but if you are really up against it and you need to focus on what you need to do, don’t be afraid to say no.
I must say its taken a few attempts to actually sit down and write this blog, I’ve been promising myself I will do it for weeks, but life just kept getting in the way. Either someone wanted a chat or I was having a workman round or something else took priority. Finally its done and I for one am glad I put some boundaries in place and got on with it. Today has actually turned out to be a day I’ve achieved more than expected so its definitely paid off.
Good luck protecting your boundaries and if you need me I am fully contactable just drop me a message and we will arrange a mutually convenient time.
In the meantime, Stay Sassy!
All my love Jane xxx