So me and Mr Wilmer, aka Mr Wonderful have been together for 25 YEARS. Yes I only look like I’m in my erm *cough, cough* thirties but it’s true!
We’ve been together so long it was only right to celebrate with a trip away to one of our favourite places, Cornwall. For some reason it feels like our spiritual home and although it involved a very early start, a six and a half hour drive and several stops, it was worth every minute. For once I didn’t pack my trainers or lycra and we just had four days of sheer bliss.
It was, for both of us, just what the Doctor ordered. We did a lot of eating ( I challenge anyone not to feel FUFTB after a full Cornish breakfast), lots of staring out at the water and the amazing views, and an awful lot of laughing. I can’t explain why but after that much time together it has felt right to hit refresh and weirdly start all over again. It was hand on heart one of the best times I have ever had on a trip away with Ian. We were both in holiday mood – he is always super childish and silly when we are on holiday and I absolutely adore it when he is like that and as you all by now know I am properly daft as a brush so we had a great time just laughing at how stupid we can both be. Not dissimilar to our first date to be fair! However this time we know how annoying we can be, we know what topics to avoid and we know what to expect in certain situations. I know he will never smile properly in a photo its more of a ‘I’m humouring you Jane’ grimace. It also helped that the kids are all grown up and able to fend for themselves completely. I didn’t worry about them once and for me that is a massive achievement.
Yes at times we were tired (that sea air sure is exhausting) and we did have the odd moment that would normally have made us proper grumpy with each other but somehow we sailed through unscathed. I did buy a new bright red mac with the reason being he would find it hard to lose me or inadvertently push me off the cliff (the lady in the shop wasn’t quite sure of our banterish humour). Fortunately it wasn’t necessary and we did make it back in one piece; feeling refreshed and renewed both as individuals and as a reconnected couple. I’ve even had a drastic change and chopped of lots of my hair as an attempt to give me a change and Ian a new wife. Ha ha fooled him – it’s still me in disguise!!
Anyway, It’s got me thinking, what are my tips for a long and mostly happy marriage :
- Be nice to each other. Do the little things that you know your other half appreciates. Little things mean a lot- corny but true!
- Remember you are different. You won’t like the same things or do things in the same way. Accept each others differences.
- Keep it light and have fun together. No matter what is happening in life try to do fun things. Be silly – act your shoe size every once in a while!
- Remember the qualities you first fell in love with. Life will try hard to get in the way, but however someone was in the beginning, they are still in there somewhere.
- No one is a mind reader if you are not happy about something make sure you say. There have been many times when this has made a massive difference in our relationship.
- You have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Feeling like you are actually being listened to is lovely. Oh and never ever say the words YES DEAR! To shut them up -It makes you want to kill them with pins!!!
- Give each other space. Having time and space to be yourself and do what you love is so important. I finally understand that Ian needs his veg out in front of the telly days, as much as I need to run.
- Value each other now. It’s no good looking back at how things were or keep looking forward to the future. Value what you have right now.
- Be realistic. This isn’t a film and it’s not a soppy novel, this is your relationship. It will have more ups and downs than a drawbridge but as long as you fundamentally and wholeheartedly care about each other in a positive way, you are on to a winner.
- Be the best of friends. If I have a good day or bad day Ian will be one of the first people I want to share that with. We will both always need other friends as well, but I definitely class him as one of my besties.
- Always be true and faithful. Be the person you want them to be. Be passionate, be honest and be their one and only.
- Hug often. From someone who’s OCD prevented them from hugging the very people who mean the most, I have turned into a champion hugger. I love hugs and hug everyone. Ian’s of course are the best.
So, there my tips, hope you all have a truly fabulous day and of course Stay Sassy!
Lots of love